Does He Keep You Hanging on an Almost-Relationship?

To like someone and to want someone to be a part of your life are two different things. Many women, after a man shows some interest, assumes immediately that he wants you to be a part of his life forever. Well, honey, things do not always work that way. You see, not all men are "what you see is what you get" type. Some of them are too afraid of commitment that they will show interest, but at the same time keep you at a certain distance because of their own insecurity. Some do not even know what they want that they will contact you only if they are bored, lonely and have no one to warm their bed for the night. Some genuinely like you but do not like you "enough" to get closer to you. So ladies, instead of staying in bubbles, why don't you try to see things as they are? It will take time. The understanding will not come immediately, trust me. Taking a step back to see things from a distance might help. Or talking to a friend who is not a "yes-man!" type could help you see from a different perspective as well.

There are a few things I would like to point out. Just to give you some context, this is predominantly for women who are introverts when it comes to relationship. I understand that there are women who are bolder in making a point that they want certain men, but most of us are just going to give out signals and expect him to make a move old school way. To also make it clear, I am not representing the teenagers who are still on an adventure and searching for themselves here. I am talking about women my age (in their thirties or above) who, I believe, pretty much already know what they want out of a relationship and are looking for a reasonable long-term relationship with all the bittersweet & ugly truths. No business executive prince charming with the stash of cash. No beefed-up model that makes you go meow. No piercing-sexy-eyed Cassanova with a perfect bling bling smile. I am talking about a man with all the flaws and strengths that will make you go "yuck" once in a while and yet, wants to be a part of a reasonable and livable relationship with YOU and ONLY YOU. So, the obvious logic from my point of view goes like this:

If a man wants to be with you, he will find the means.

If a man really likes you, he will definitely want to show you off to his friends and families.

If he really wants you to be a part of his life, he will discuss personal things with you, he will ask some fundamental and personal questions about you to know you better, he will start including you in his small plans, and surely he will not slack and give another gentleman the chance to cherish you more and let you be taken away from him.
There will be consistency in his approach.

NOW, if he doesn't, why are you still holding on when he already let you go in the first place? Isn't it obvious that you are just an option and not a priority?

If after a certain period of time, there is no clear establishment of where it is going, the chance is that there was nothing from the beginning itself. Maybe it's time that you take off that blinkers and look into a different direction.

I understand that "known devils are better than unknown angels" and we have the tendency to stick around with the big-baby-boy and go hullabaloo without direction rather than cut the ties and meet someone new. New is scary, I get it. Have you ever heard Boiling Frog Syndrome? You drop a frog in a boiling water, it will immediately try to jump out. You drop a frog in a cold water and slowly boil it, the frog will adjust the temperature until it dies due to the heat. We do that, too.

In this matter, we are "inside" the situation and most of the time, we do not have the capacity to realize it. We live in an imagination, building a perfect prince charming character which is not real. We build a specific character inside our head to suit our fantasy instead of seeing the facts straight in the eyes. This fantasy traps you inside the vicious cycle of being with someone imaginary, the character you create inside your head, who IS NOT the man you have right in front of you. You justify that everything is perfectly rosy because you "like" this person. For how long are you going to do this before you realize that the man you "like" has gone far away and probably no longer has you in his mind; let alone in his heart? Do you seriously want to be in a relationship and yet, feel single? What is the point?

However, you don't have to hate him for that. You don't need that kind of negativity. Do not tarnish his name among your friends by saying that he is the type who leads on and yet never commits yada yada yada. You can never blame someone for not having the same feelings as yours. Yes, he led you on without certainty and there is no chance that you will pick that up immediately so forgive yourself for that and let him deal with his own issues. No need to build up any hatred. He might be the same jolly kind-hearted man you met the first time; he might be the same gentleman you saw through the moment you laid your eyes on him; and yet, if he does not want you strong enough, is it his fault? No. Is it your fault? No. Does it make him a bad person? No. It's just life. Accept it. It's always your choice to decide whether to stay or to leave, why blame others?

In the end, you are the one who has to understand yourself and have a broader mind to see things as they are. Remember! There is always someone else out there, so stop chasing or waiting for those who do not want to be with you and go be around someone who gives a damn about you. In the worse case scenario, if there is no one else, accept it. There are many single ladies out there who do wonders for their surrounding. Cherish your own life. Your relationship status doesn't define you anyway.

Love yourself first, so that you recognize love when it comes your way!